Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
