I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
