I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Randomize
