but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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