If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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