Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i think i just lost a toe
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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