If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
