New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
