he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
