I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
