Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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