hell yes lets make some ravioli
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
