marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
