He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
