There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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