mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
