Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
