I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
