I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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