i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
