Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
