He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
