I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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