I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
