she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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