So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
