god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
