I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
