using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
