how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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