i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
