I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
