This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
