I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
