She announced her abortion via fbk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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