There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
