just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
