I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
