I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
