why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
