God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
