Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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