Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
