Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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