I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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