Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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