WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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