so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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