I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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