Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
