did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
