hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
