OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
