You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
